I will say that 5 years from now after hopefully being married and forgetting what a first date feels like, I will look back on my single years with glittering fondness because of the kaleidoscope of experiences it’s brought me. It truly has been a period to experience “life”. As for now though, I’m in the same boat as millions of other single 30 somethings, where you are more than ready to leave the party. At this point the dating pool feels like being forced to drink really warm champagne, only it’s not champagne, it’s Andre sparkling wine. I think the challenge in life is always that gap in between knowing you are completely ready to move forward and finally finding yourself in that next chapter of your life. Sometimes it could be as simple as timing and other times it could be that a new door has opened but you haven’t sat still for long enough to notice. Either way the journey can be daunting and downright depressing for both guys and girls alike.
Living in Southern California it is really easy to adopt the Work Hard, Play Hard, mentality and forgo or neglect commitment for as long as you can, if not altogether. The dating app world makes non committal tendencies even easier because we basically have created a virtual reality where meeting people in person isn’t even important anymore. At any given time you can open your dating app, talk to 15 single people you are attracted to, get your loneliness fix, and then go about your day. We as a culture have made the act of dating so diluted that no one wants to put in the effort to truly get to know someone anymore.
But it can’t all be the dating apps fault, right?
Over the past few months I have had a few aha moments in my dating life. After a few instances, I really had to sit back and think about what all of these men had in common? They all looked different and had different backgrounds, but the guys I dated always seemed to have what I would refer to as A Great First Act. They were all successful, outgoing and engaging, but just below the surface all of them had something much deeper in common. In my case they were either emotionally unavailable or physically unavailable, which always prevented our relationship from moving past The First Act. How is it that we can be with someone that does and says everything right and then one day realize we have found ourselves right back in the same situation, yet again? Subconsciously, there are things in all of us that can attract exactly what we don’t want. Past experiences, fears, imagined worries… All of these things are usually completely concealed in our subconscious until they are brought to our attention by repetitive lessons disguised as new experiences.
Life lesson #4 – Repetitive lessons will usually show up in our lives disguised as new experiences. It is then up to us to fully recognize the patterns and read between the lines.
For me, growing up with a father who was emotionally unavailable and lived 3,000 miles away, it would make sense that I would subconsciously attract that back into my life. It’s almost like our mind goes back to a past experience and replays it in our everyday lives to try and make sense of things. The funny thing is, I actually spent a lot of my 20’s being emotionally unavailable and would always be the one to end things before it got to a certain point. After working hard at correcting my own behavior it’s seems that I subconsciously attracted that same energy back, only this time on the receiving end. After a few back-to-back examples of dating guys with the same patterns, I am now able to really see below the surface of a conversation and trust my gut when something feels off. It’s easy for people to tell you exactly what you want to hear but when you truly pay attention and read between the lines, the truth will always seep through.
What are some areas in your life where you keep finding yourself in the same situation?
What are some things your subconscious could actually be holding you back from?